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If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
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Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
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Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
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Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
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When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
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Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
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If Al Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell check.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A hen is only an egg?s way of making another egg.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
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I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax -- tomorrow you\'ll be afraid to cough.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
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We\'ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
If you can\'t get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you\'d best teach it to dance.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
It\'s not that I\'m afraid to die, I just don\'t want to be there when it happens.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
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The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
The truth is more important than the facts.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
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In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:27
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